This is not my typical type of post but I just had to share. Today I just have not been happy. I am stressed about finding a job abroad (Nippon!), finding work in the meantime, not procrastinating, church duties and my time management skills when it comes to personal things (or lack thereof). So I was unhappy, stressed, uneasy, distracted and felt like I was getting the silent treatment from God.
Tonight, after my mom and I finished watching Hope Sabbath School (very thought provoking) and prayed, I went to my room intending to finish reading the gospel of John (almost finished reading the whole Bible!) but I got distracted by my own thoughts and pondered the seeming lack of direction in my life. I was not asking for a sign but I told God that I was scared and had no idea what I was supposed to do and asked why there is rarely a discerning factor letting me know what he wants from me or for me.
I shook it off and picked up my Bible. I was flipping from the back, Revelation to John, but my Bible fell open at the introduction to Philippians, which reads:
Most people want to have fun and be happy. The trouble is all those emotional ups and downs. You feel happy, and then something goes wrong and you’re in the pits.
In Philippians the key words are joy and rejoice. Paul was in prison when he wrote this letter [Philippians is a letter from Paul to the church in Philippi]. He didn’t have any of the things people today will make them happy. But Paul knew the secret of an inner joy that won’t quit when things go wrong. That’s a secret worth knowing! (Zondervan, Teen Study Bible; Grand Rapids 1998)
I feel more than a bit stupid when things like this happen but guess what, the next page was about self-image. How can I doubt that God hears me? Not only did he respond to my feelings of unhappiness but my subsequent feelings about myself as well. Did all this automatically make everything all sunshine an rainbows? No, but it put things in perspective and changed the way I thought about my situation. I can now refocus in a more positive direction (Whoa, this ties into tonight’s Hope Sabbath School lesson too!). God is good and that is all I can say!