A Prayer (4)

           God, I’m struggling. I feel like I’m treading water but waves keep crashing down on top of me and I’m slowly sinking. You said you love me, you care for me, I am valuable to you; you said that and I believe you but that doesn’t keep me from hurting when things go wrong. It may be egotistical of me in the face of your power but I can’t help but to think it’s my fault. Right now my head is so full of “I should have done that”, “If only I had worked harder”, “I’m so stupid” and “why?” that I’m just at a loss. I thought this is what you wanted for me so why is everything so messed up? I’m trying so hard to actively trust you. I relied on me for so long; that makes it even harder to let go. I don’t know what to do and I definitely can’t fix my problems by myself so help me. If I’m not where you want me, tell me. I have no recourse, no back up plan if this doesn’t work out. All that time. Please don’t let me have wasted all that time. I’m sorry that I’m so weak but it’s just one blow after another, after another, after another. My coping mechanisms are failing Lord and I fear that one day I will lose it. You know how many times I’ve smiled when I didn’t feel like it. I want my weeping to only endure for the night and for joy to come in the morning. You said to ask and I will receive so I am asking for guidance because I don’t know which way to go. I know, I KNOW you have great things in store for me because you said that you want me to have life and have it more abundantly. I believe that in my heart but I’m shortsighted and my vision is obscured. I can’t see how you will get me from where I am now to where you want me to because only you know the way. Please God. I’m hurting right now but I believe you know what you’re doing even if I don’t have the slightest clue so please take me where you want me to go.

Precious Lord, take my hand

Lead me on,

Let me stand

I’m tired, I am weak I am worn

Through the storm, through the night

Lead me on to the light

Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

 

When my way grows drear precious Lord linger near

When my life is almost gone

Hear my cry,

Hear my call

Hold my hand lest I fall

Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

 

When the darkness appears and the night draws near

And the day is past and gone

At the river I stand

Guide my feet,

Hold my hand

Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

Amen.

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