At some point during my college years I felt like my relationship with God had deteriorated beyond repair. I don’t particularly remember what brought about that sentiment (I must have been having an unusually hard time) but the results were terrible. I used to go home every other week to recuperate and go to church but somehow I started to dislike going to church and stopped getting anything out of it. After a while, I only went once a month when I had church duties. I despised myself for smiling and greeting my church family when I felt like crap on the inside, I didn’t study my Sabbath school lesson, and worst of all I stopped praying. I felt like I had sunk so low that I was unworthy of even having my prayers heard by God besides, what had I done for Him lately? (absolutely nothing) I no longer cared about the state of my soul and figured that if I went to hell and if I was to burn according to my sins, my pain would be short lived.
In my heart I really wanted and needed God in my life so I figured I’d try and clean up my act before I went back to church. Of course, I would have a tough time getting back to where I was spiritually. Then I remembered something I had learned long ago. The church is a hospital. It’s where the spiritually sick go to get well. I didn’t have to “get right” before I went back to church because I would begin the healing process once I got there. Even though I still felt like I was in the midst of a spiritual drought at the end of the day, I once again started to attend church every Saturday (except soup kitchen days). I figured if I could go to class or work for five days a week, I should at least be able to get out of bed for church once a week. I even started doing my Sabbath school lessons again on December 25, 2010 and as of March 25, 2011 will have finished a whole book without skipping lessons. I’m not where I want to be in my spiritual journey but I know that without my faith in God I would be dead (a not-so-funny story).
I want to live a Godly life, so if I keep going to church and studying the Word, I feel that one day I won’t have to convince myself to do it because it will come naturally. Practice makes perfect after all. I’m also trying to be more involved so I think I’ll surprise everyone and join the choir soon. Last week I even took notes on the sermon so I wouldn’t nod off. It’s strange how I can sit in front of the TV for hours but I can’t get through a whole service without drifting off to the metaphorical land of nod (ain’t nothing but the devil).
The message that I most what I want to convey is this: let Jesus be your 911, 365, 24/7. In order to heal in regard to harmful habits and outward actions, sometimes the mind and spirit must be healed first. Forget about the people who point and snicker as you walk through the door. Disregard those that whisper behind your back. The ones that look down at you, pay them no mind. They are the ones who need rehab the most but deny it (and scoff at those who appear to be worse off) and can’t get the help they need even though they’re in the right place. Walk right into the ER (church) and the doctor (God) will attend to your needs. You don’t have to get well before you go to church, you will recover while you’re there.